They see me rollin'

Tortoise who banged so much he hurt his legs gets set of wheels

Meet Bert.

The 22-year-old African spurred tortoise, who lives at the Dinosaur Adventure Park in England, wasn't feeling great after participating in a two-month breeding program, during which he fathered offspring with five females, according to the Independent.

His keepers discovered he had developed swelling on his back legs, a sign of early-onset arthritis, the Independent reports. Tortoises often live until 80.

To combat the harm done to his back legs, Bert was fitted with a set of wheels that he wears most often during the winter, when his arthritis flares.

Bert — who comes in at a whopping 220 pounds — reportedly is the heaviest tortoise ever to be given such a set of wheels.

Soup anyone?

Tortoise knocks over heat lamp, causes $150K fire damage

Fuckin' reptiles!

KSAT in San Antonio reports a 150-pound pet tortoise is being blamed for a fire that resulted in $150,000 in damages.

Firefighters said it seemed the tortoise knocked over a heat lamp inside its outdoor cage, which started a fire that spread to a neighboring house.

By the time firefighters were able to bring the blaze under control, the fire had spread through the walls and attic. They said the fire caused minimal damage to the pet owner's house.

No one was injured — not even the tortoise.

Soup anyone?